It’s the first Saturday of winter and I’m sitting in the Art Gallery of NSW cafe eating a sausage roll. It’s not just any sausage roll, it’s a smoked jalapeño beef sausage roll with bush tomato relish ($14). It’s boujie, easily one of the most delicious sausage rolls I’ve had, and my go to favourite when I visit the gallery.

The gallery is bustling as always. To my right is a little kid with a smoothie bigger than his head, eating a slice of pizza, crust first. To my left is a senior citizen carefully reapplying her lipstick. It’s a pinkish nude shade with a slight gloss. It suits her. The gallery is a great place to come alone, because with all the people watching and art on the walls you are never really lonely. The paintings look down with quiet observation. Some are judging, others sympathetic, a few amused, still others look inward rather than out. The modern art doesn’t offer obvious emotion. You need to drag out the feelings from those yourself.

Next to me in a bag are two Cry Baby blind boxes from Pop Mart. Yes, I have caved into one of the dumbest trends that currently exists, because superficial and silly consumerism helps distract me from the existential dread of living in this world. Of sometimes feeling scared, of feeling like I don’t belong and am metaphorically adrift at sea. Of being 40 and not knowing what I want to be when I grow up. Any ideas?

I’ve decided that today’s version of being ‘sensible’ is to order a $5.50 coffee to accompany my sausage roll rather than a $14 Prosecco. I kind of want the Prosecco. To feel the sweet fizz on my tongue and the cool bubbles slide down my throat. My highly (not really) analytical mind tells me that getting the less expensive coffee will somehow offset the $85 dollars I just spent on embarrassingly dumb shit. This makes no sense but whatever. No regrets.

I don’t need the Prosecco, and I’m not mad at the coffee. I already had a coffee this morning, and normally I would only have one (too much makes me jittery), but the first one was free so I’ve decided it doesn’t count. I was the last person to get a free coffee because the barista had run out of cups. I stood there waiting for my freebie while countless people joined the line and were turned away in disappointment. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t smug.

Back for a moment to the sausage roll. I’m not waxing lyrical, it really is good. The beef is spiced and full of flavour. The pastry is a bit soft on the inside but flaky and crispy on the outside, with rather a satisfying crunch, especially on the ends. It’s served hot, not burn off your face hot, or lukewarm, just the perfect temperature. It’s accompanied by the most delicious sweet tomato relish, the perfect foil for the beef, and a little side salad of grated carrot and mung beans which adds a freshness to the plate. Eating it is a lovely little moment.

I wish I could say I took a good photo of the sausage roll, I didn’t. There is that ‘old’ adage ‘if you didn’t photograph it, did you really eat it?’ We all know the answer is yes, but maybe also no? Does the inability to capture the moment make it disappear into obscurity? In any case, I am an impatient person, so I took one bad shot and dug in. It is what it is. Again, no regrets.

The gallery cafe is a great place to write. You can be in your bubble and also visually and mentally stimulated and inspired. I’ll definitely try this again, and since I’m a creature of habit, I hope the sausage roll will be waiting for me. Now time to go open those Cry Baby blind boxes. Gotta get those endorphins somehow!

Art Gallery of NSW – Art Gallery Road, The Domain, Sydney NSW 2000, Australia – Further Info